Dan Mayer's Blog

Well today was a big relief... Since my server at work died twice on friday, I have been nervous all weekend that i might have lost all my work. today we recovered the server and i made sure to make backups of all of my files. So now even if the server dies (since we really dont know what the problem was) i wont loose any work. My project at work it moving along nicely. Their are about 900 sites in the database currently and we should be categorizing on the fly by the end of this week. Which will be a huge step. If all goes well i might have a highly successfully project right away. If not with some refinement over a few weeks we should be able to make it fairly successful.

I just finished my first opengl progam. I know this one isn't 3d but it could be. I just had a hard time moving back to c++ at first since i am so used to java and remembering all the wierd ways to pass things in c++ sucked. Anyways simple but wonderfull since i am done with my first working and well documentated opengl program. I think i have a good understanding of how to work with opengl now as well. Anyways it is a fractal look and enjoy. i know it is simple.

There are tons of problems in the world and i have just seen alot of dumb stuff the is annoying in the world of late:

College student loses scholarship for being gay

Halliburtion (vice presidents company that is getting a ton of government contracts) after being caught for stealing money (which it returned) is being nice and not charging the government for $16 million worth of food service it never did. What crap is this, bush is dropping the vice president i expect him to get in alot of trouble a bit after elections are past.

the governments own intellegence is all coming forward saying there is probably not any WMD in iraq, and blaming other agencies for claiming false intellegence. the president is forming a panel to investigate the allegations.. apprently everyone in the goverment knows that we lied when we went to war with iraq, and this panel is to keep an cloud of doubt over that until the election is over. Yeah for trying to trick the public

Students at CU are mad at the easy ride for athletes, also think that the school probably is accountable for the 3 rapes (from one party) filed against cu football team in the last year (this happend a few years ago and was never dealt with, instead out of court settlement like michael jackson). The boulder district attorney blames CU. CU's responce, not our fault.

You can't hide everything from your children, they will learn. Your son got scared, sometimes life is scary... Mother furious at school after her son reads an Internet article describing Russia's plan to rehearse nuclear strikes against the U.S.

this isn't the worst stuff in the world, but it all bothers me. thanks you.... end of rant.

I have discussed this recently but an article in the colorado daily made me really pissed so here are more of my thoughts.

CU and it�s spokesperson Sen. Ron Tupa are saying that it is inappropriate and premature for the state to create its own investigation into alleged rapes of three women at a CU football recruiting party. How could this possible be premature? The party in question occurred in 2001, and the first complaints began rolling in over 6 months ago. Until the state began to threaten an investigation, CU�s only response was to deny any responsibility. I think president Hoffman has to stop doing what she thinks will be best for CU publicity and fix the problem. Admit problems in the past, express deep regret, and make sure nothing like this ever happens again. The CU football team was accused before the allegations of this party for rape; it wasn�t dealt with properly then. The football team is obviously not in control when there are multiple rape charges, on multiple occasions in the last few years. As if more proof was needed to show that the football team is not being trained and treated properly another ex-football player was accused of sexual assault. The player is only an ex-football player, because he was kicked off the team for the sexual assault incident. The fact that these allegations have not been taken seriously and required threats from the state to be dealt with is horrible. I am ashamed of how my school has dealt with these allegations. I hope the state does an investigation and i believe that many people should lose their positions from the findings of the investigation.
-Dan Mayer

Today i didnt do much. I went to class, and i did homework for a couple hours. Then i hung out with a friend for a couple hours that i hadn't seen in a long time. I really didnt do anything accomplish anything or learn anything new today. It left me feeling empty and bored. I think a large part of it actually has to do with the fact that i am tired, but i don't know. Either way hopefully tomorrow should be really productive as planned and then it will quickly turn into the weekend, where something fun should occur.

Well today was one of those crappy days where nothing seems to go right and you feel like there is a ton of stuff you have to do / need to get done. I need to fix this, call about that, do this, arrrrggggg. It is probably due to me just being really tired from last night. Our dryer also broke which is really making me angry because it was half way through drying my clothes 3 days ago, and i was doing laundry because i had nothing to wear. So i have nothing to wear now until i go to the laundry mat which i hate doing. Oh well it is the weekend, while tonight is going to be pretty boring tomorrow should be fun after i finish all of my homework (9 at night) after that Luke and I are going to do something fun. I dont know what yet, but trust me it will be good. Then i guess we are having a going away party for Cole on sunday night. I know you dont have parties on sunday, but we are going to. So that should be fun as well. It should also leave me starting off the week right. Really tired again... hehe just like how it ended, well it is time to chill and watch a movie.

never underestimate the power of a power nap!

argg i was supposed to be working really hard for 3 days and get all sorts of stuff done so i could have fun the rest of this week. Today i am at work and about to go home. I am literally shaking from chills, and i have a couple wierd little painful lumps on my arm. I feel all foggy and tired. I dont have a headache or any stomach issues, but i am so cold, and my office is really hot. Must go home and cover myself in a hundred blankets. arggg might not be able to go out later this week unless i am feeling way better tomorrow.

update: it turns out my entire house is sick. We all probably have the same thing. Really it is awesome trust me. Anyways i am feeling a little better now, but still not normal. I have the muscle aches everywhere, but my fever is gone.

How i hate computer science when things go wrong. Our server was being stupid, and we havent really accomplished that much. We have to have a meeting tomorrow with Bruce and show him everything we have accomplish and we will be like. Well we actually had more of the site working on the demo functionally, but look at all the pretty pictures that are now all over the pages making it pretty! Yeah so actually our group sucks and we are doing bad and falling behind schedule, and it doesn't seem to matter how long we work at any given time we still seem to be moving backwards.

While getting sick has really slowed me down and left me behind. I will still get to go to a sweet punk rock show featuring Mest and Fallout boy. I am really looking forward to that. Besides that i have a ton of work to do and catch up on so, once i do that and take my two tests next week i might get to slow down and enjoy a little bit of time again like i was for the last couple weeks. Anyways i am feeling much better and think I am pretty much done with the being sick stuff, so that is good. Arggg playing catch up really sucks. Oh well YEAAAAaaaa Punk Rock. and YeaH TOAST!

argg pain and trying to do work. Last week i was sick which made it hard to study, do homework, or have fun. This week starting off i was hoping to really be able to get on top of things and finish off strong. Well things aren't starting out well. First i still odn't feel completely better yet, second i seem to have lost all mobility of my neck. I can barely turn my head in any direction. I can barely hold it up. I get blinding pains it i try to move it to the left. I get not as bad if i move it to the right. I am finding that this makes it immensiely difficult to study. I was planning on working for awhile at my job, but seeing as i can barely sit up in a chair, i am headed home to lay on my back and no use my neck muscles for awhile hoping they will soften up at least long enough for me to finish the homework assignment that i have due tomorrow. If not loose enough for me to begin studying more for my two tests i have this week.

Well first sorry about the site being down for awhile, my hosting service had some problems, but they have it fixed.

Second, i finished my openGL project for fractal terrains today. This project took me entirely way to long, but it has been hard to move back to c++ after having all the nice things java provides you for so long. Anyways i am slowly getting back on track. So take a look and i hope you all like my little fractals. It is alot cooler if you actually have the program since you can rotate and do all sorts of stuff with the terrain then. Oh well back to laying and now moving.

My blog has been broken alot lately. For awhile everytime you posted a comment it would crash my blog. I have fixed this. You will notice that some other parts of my blog are not working properly now though, seeing as, I can't use PHP on the new set up my serving company has moved to. I am going to try to find a solution for this soon, until then everything should be fine and my normal stuff will work the same. My counter and some of my random art, and random quotes are now gone though.

Last night i got to relax a bit and rest up from contantly studying and working and it was very nice. Dom and I went and chilled at Old C's and had a couple beers. It was nice. Also it was nice to hear after the newest rape allegations (a form female CU player raped by a football player) Our coach has been suspended until the investigation is complete. Yeaaa for people fixing the mistakes of the past as best they can.

Contrary to popular belief i am not dead. I have just been really busy lately. Things are going well. I went to ft collins last night and it was a really good time. I got to see an old friend Krista who i havent seen for quite awhile. We all hung out and talked played alot of drinking games. School has kinda owned me lately, but i am fighting back and taking over my life again. So yeaa, hopefully this means I can begin to have some fun again. Stupid being sick really slowed me down.

Side note: CU is having another rape allegation almost daily now. I hope the entire athletic department goes down. CU is going to learn its lesson this time as the school looses alot of money and its football program goes to crap since no recruit in their right mind would come here. Maybe we will actually focus on research and education again for awhile.

Argg to much work makes danny go crazy. I have been programming on my computer almost the entire day. I started work at 11 this morning and now i am quiting at 12 at night. I did accomplish quite a bit of work and such which is good. I however didn't get as much done as i would have hoped. Oh well perhaps this means I can have some fun this week since i worked so much today.

I dream of days that will return me to a wonderfull bliss that I have lost some years ago.

Ah it seems "the fear" is returning. I was getting it pretty bad before x-mas break and then being around all my friends. Other people coming to the end of their college carrers not quite sure what they were going to do. Many were planning on just kind of floating around for a year or two before returning to grad school. Today i talked with one of my professors about getting a job after college. I then went and talked to my advisor to make sure that i had everything taken care of to graduate when i am planning to (next xmas).

Lately i feel as no matter what i haven't learned/accomplished enough. Like no one would want to give me a job. I know that i have done more hands on CS than many of the CS students around here, it just seems like everywhere i would really want to work, will just look at my GPA and the school i came from and not really consider it. The best CS companies aren't hiring left and right and many of them are supposedly hiring primarily from ivy leage schools right now.

The only thing i know is that i really am done with school for a little while at least. I need to get in the real world. Have a real job, have a real project. The problem is if i am working on a project that i don't care about, or doesn't intrest me it will be horrible. If i get a interesting and cool project i will love the real world. I would like nothing more to only program my senior project and work programs 40 hours a week. I could stop wasting so much time studying other crap i dont care about like comp org, statistics, and such.

So who else out there is freaked about their future? what do you do to calm yourself down?

Last night i went out. I was doing good until we hit the walrus. Then i kept drinking when i should have been done. I now have a headache and i missed class this morning. I would be upset, but school has been ruining my life lately and I am now fighting back. I am happy that i at least went out with friends and had a good time. I do need to stop about 2 or 3 drinks before i did so that i can still function the next day, but we will work on that. This is my "Social Week" I am going out every night and if i fall behind in school so be it. Arggg need water and must close my eyes because the light hurts.

In reaction the "The fear" as i posted about a couple days ago, i have taken an interesting way of dealing with it. Instead of working harder and really trying to make sure i do well in everything. I have become the largest slacker, since my old days of slacking off in high school. I have been doing about everything except going to school. I haven't even been doing my work lately. I have tried a little, but i really haven't done anything worthwhile to mention. I am enjoying my self given break. The only problem is that it will get back to me soon. Seeing as eventually i am going to have to get back to work. Then i will have the added pressure of having to catch up with slacking off so bad for a week. It seems like it might be a really good idea for me to get back to really working on friday. Perhaps go in early on saturday and work then as well.

I had never been to greely. It was a fun night out. I went out with some friends met 2 new people and watched a movie. There was lots of laughing and talking. It was great. Then we got in a really cool and fun religious conversation on the drive back. I always enjoy a good religious conversation. I guess the problem is that i feel like they are all begining to go the same. I have heard most religious peoples points and nothing much seems to change or be new. I have the same arguments about it and against certain things, many of which may be new to the person i am talking with but are not new to me. I really think i need to spend some time sometime and write everything out about my thoughts and views on religion and let people just read it and then post their opinions and thoughts and ideas. Then it could perhaps grow change and have a different perspective. Also then i could persent my thoughts in a easy to understand and read solid source.

Anyways tomorrow i actually have to go to school and work again for a little while, but then i am going to go have fun again so it is ok. Then i think i might have to end my little vaction from school and work a little early and get back to really doing some work on friday.

Also for those that are in the know here is my little love poem for the girl from newsradio, who is also in the welcome to mooseport movie:

Your as cute as a button
I wish you were a button
then I could put you on and bring you everywhere
I would then be able to just keep you in my pocket
I love you and all the cute smiles and looks
I love your voice and everything you say
If we were together i would do things that must be illegal
Your so hot that i will love you forever.
I don't know your name,
but when i feel you i dont feel the same
If I could ever speak to you
I would make you see
that it was always meant for you and me
The whole world was made only as a way for us to meet
Each person only made to be able to see the amazing love we have
I love you blindly and always

Ok dumb post but that is all for now.

Their is an interesting quote from Jim Carrey in his interview...

"...is that everybody has someone they'd rather erase: "Gosh, if I could just suck that out of my brain and my heart and never deal with it again, it'd be fantastic." Everybody identifies with that, has some relationship that hurts so bad that they just wish they could make the ghosts go away. You can't, of course."

I thought about this for a bit. I was like i guess I would want to get rid of all the thoughts i have of Laura (my ex). Get rid of the memories and feelings that haunt me. Just be able to move past it all without having the little things remind you of that person, what happened, and what was lost. Then i realized you can't just forget it wouldn't even be good if you could. It is part of what makes you who you are. forever there are many things i learn in that relationship that i will carry into my future. I am sure the same is for her. If we could just suck out memories because of the pain it causes in the future we would never grow. We could never change. So while i miss many things and have been upset time and time again by painful memories of a beautiful past. I wouldn't give it up for anything. I couldn't why would i want to get ride of some of the best memories of my life. Of some of the biggest growth in my life. Perhaps the memories or ghosts he speaks of still haunt people because their is still something they have to learn from thier past. So I will never forget, but here's to hoping that one day I will successfully move on.

All it takes is one night that you both have the same thoughts the same feelings and you say it perfectly straight and keep going... That can turn in to something....

"With that Mark Renton was in love"