"Get busy living or get busy dieing..."
(Yes this is kind of a drama queen post, and yes I am OK with that.)
((No nothing is going wrong and I am very happy right now.))
I currently think some how I might have had a bit to much of both... working quickly towards a busy life, and headed towards to quick of a death. It seems lately I see mortality around me every where. I assume it is mostly just because I was really sick recently. Some health problems in my family are coming more to light. I think also just some of my own fears of death have been exaggerated lately.
With thoughts of death floating around through my head, it makes me wonder about life. An odd pair that always comes together life and death. I have been thinking about my life, what is important to me, what I want to accomplish, what mark I may or may not want to leave, what I should see, say, and do. The majority of my life is filled with positive things, people, and memories. As you have less time for everything in life what do you focus on, what do you strive to achieve, what goals do you pass on realizing they were a dream of the past that may no longer be practical or relevant?
I know the people that are truly important to me, and I do feel that they would all know how much they have meant to me, but is that enough? Sometimes those unspoken feelings should they be spoken just as a reminder. The I love yous to friends and family? Is that enough if the people around you know your thoughts?
If I died tomorrow would I feel like I didn't leave enough of what I truly feel is me and my thoughts behind? Would I feel that so many thoughts and unfinished projects, art, and writings would be lost? If I knew I was going to die would I do anything different? Would I prepare? Would I finish art pieces, letters, and projects?
I recently had a sudden urge to get rid of many of my things, get rid of my movies, video games, TV, old books, old computers, and anything I don't use. When I die, will I really wish I had spent more time watching movies I have already seen? Playing video games to say I beat them? I truly doubt it. There is something to be said for down time, relaxing, and just enjoying simple time to let your mind unwind and refresh. Is it OK to know you waste a certain amount on time, and that is just a part of living a happy life. You can't always be trying to make every moment count, because otherwise you will be to warn out to really give it all when you need to be there for a moment that really does count.
I guess all these fears and emotions lead back to if I did suddenly pass, would I look back on my life and overall be happy with the route it took and the accomplishments I made along the way?
Can you put a meaning on a life?
Is being happy good enough?
I unleash these thoughts after a slow and pleasant evening, looking at art, watching a movie, and preparing for bed. These are the thoughts that will turn in my mind as I lay my head on my pillow and slowly every so slowly drift off into sleep.