Dan Mayer's Blog

I have meant to make a real post about Erin leaving (Erin moved to Manhattan for grad school) for awhile now. For those that don’t know we decided that we would stay together and deal with long distance. It is a hard time dealing with someone you love moving so far away. Some may think it is the same as when she left for Honduras, but it is really different when the end of the timeline is so far out. Basically it looks like we will have to deal with 21 months of long distance, which is an amount of time hard to think about when it is longer than you have actually been together. I take some comfort in the fact that we didn’t see each other for nearly 4 ½ months while she was in Honduras and telling myself we won’t have to ever wait that long to see each other again.

It has been a roller coaster of emotions since Erin left, and I think I am finally starting to balance out and return back to a normal mindset, unfortunately part of the fun of having Erin around is that I am never in a normal mindset, my mind is constantly high on love, which causes it’s own set of issues, but is different none the less. I mean having her around is wonderful, but a constant battle between work and just enjoying being in love.

I have said many times in the past that I would never do long distance again. I guess it is hard to ever say never especially when love is involved. What happens to love conquers all? What happens to all you need is love? What happens if you just decide love isn’t worth the difficulty of long distance? I mean in all these cases it would destroy some of the reasons we all find love so amazing, it is supposed to be something of a force to be reckoned with. Love will make you walk into something you know will hurt, and smile because you couldn’t have it any other way.

The Mayers and their long distance, my brother was in two long distance relationships, the first ending, and the second he is less than a month away from marriage. He recently pointed out that him and his fiancé Doc did long distance for 2 years, and that Erin is my second long distance relationship and we are facing about 2 years. So I guess if that is a trend, it isn’t a bad one to follow. Obviously some things change as you get older and more mature, and you learn certain things in all your relationships the older you get. Maybe the more you know about what you want out of life the easier dealing with distance becomes?

I still freak out and worry sometimes. I still feel awkward occasionally when I wonder why I am not moving to NYC, and don’t have a good enough answer at the time. I still wonder at what point something is compromise, and at what point one is giving up on their dreams. I am still afraid of loosing the most important person in my life. These are things that will be flying through my head, that will join some of the other questions that seem to float around never finding an answer, like “what is the point of life?”

I don’t know what is different. I don’t know if we made a wrong decision. I only know that we love each other. Currently we can barely escape each others minds, but we can’t hold each other in our arms. I know that it hurts both of us, I think that in some ways it hurts our relationship. I don’t know any other way that we could have both followed our dreams, while staying together other than giving long distance our best shot.

Erin I miss you, I love you, and I dream of when we can be together again.